Smile Even Though Your Heart is Breaking
do you ever feel like sometimes u just lose faith in everything and everyone and wonder why u’re put on this earth? i’m feeling that way now. i just want to get away from it all, just run away to a place where there’s no problems, there’s no issues, no pressure but i know this place doesnt exist. that’s why i went out almost every single night during the last year. i needed to get my mind off of things and i needed an excuse to drink. drinking is the only route that i know to get out of my head. i’ve gotten out of that life and now i’m starting a new one. i’m studying hard, doing my work, being domestic but somehow problems just resurface and it’s swallowing me whole. i feel like these string of problems are hanging over my head even when i go to sleep and it’s just tearing me into pieces. i really do want to get my life back into place. i want to pass my subjects and examinations and just focus on what’s really important in my life. i feel like there’s a tonne on my shoulder and i dont have anyone to help me walk this path.
i really envy those people who are able to juggle work, studies and a personal life of their own. everytime i look at them i just think to myself, why am i not like that? why am i not able to do that? i’m blessed with a silver spoon hanging out of my mouth but i cant seem to just differentiate everything. it just clashes into one another and i am just not able to handle it very well.
calls to winnie really made me feel better. how i wish she was here in malaysia so i can hang on to her for dear life. it’s just hard growing up i guess, and conforming into this mold that u have for urself or u think u should be. i’m losing faith, and i’m searching for something else to believe in.
